Dreams

Ep 3:Caught in a Cataclysm

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NB: In case you have missed Ep 2: Silence before the Storm, Click here to Read it

Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease or CJD. A brain disease that causes anxiety, memory loss, loss of motor skills and many other problems. In the end, it results in dementia and death. There is no cure found yet. The only thing we can do is make the patient’s life as much easier as possible. It’s such a rare disease, that it affect one person per million per year. Our house could have been a drug dealer’s house for all the containers of Opioids we had which I had to provide Anjali to ease the pain

I always wanted to take Anjali to her dream destinations and do things she always wanted to. Only, I didn’t have a job that let me earn six figures. I was just an engineer. Of course I have been saving up for almost a year now for a vacation where we would do all the things she wanted. It was hard as it was without me having a time constraint of a year. I can’t save her. I knew that. I accepted that. But I couldn’t just let her go without keeping my promise to take her to all the places she wanted. I had merely a couple of months before she would slip into a coma.

Of course, the money was still an issue but I managed to do extra work, do parallel jobs and also get home in time to give her the medications. For over 2 weeks, I struggled, but after seeing her face as we reached Long Beach, it was all worth it. The only problem
was, she never knew, knew that this would be her last vacation, but I had to tell her. I had to make her understand. God give me strength.

Soon, we reached home. It was just in time too, she was getting weaker and weaker. I still hadn’t told her, until one night during dinner, “This headache is killing me.” I reached out to grab her hand. She looked at me, confused. There were times I simply grabbed her hand and made cheesy declarations of love that she used to adore. But I usually had a playful expression on my face, not one that suggested I was about to break apart, like I was just trying to take it all in, her face, her eyes, her smile, her.

What is it?”

“It’s just, there’s something I need to say. I uh…. The thing is…. I…”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. Tell her that she’s dying each second. But I had to. “Look, I don’t know how to say this but… I just… Will you marry me?”

Saying she was surprised was an understatement. She was definitely delighted but she did not expect that. Also, knowing me, she expected something along the lines of romantic music, exotic beach etc etc, not in our dining room, to the sounds of crickets in the garden and I wasn’t even on my knee. She looked at me playfully

“I’ll think about it.” she said with a teasing smile. And then she just hugged me. “If course I’ll marry you, do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?!” I pretended to be happy and that, that was what I planned to say, but inside I was just annoyed that I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. Soon we both were on the couch cuddled together, her head on my shoulders, me stroking her silky black hair.

What is it?” “What?”I know there’s something troubling you. Tell me.” she said, sitting up straight. I looked at her, trying to muster the strength to do it. Her eyes boring into mine. I never failed to get lost in those eyes on a daily basis, but I couldn’t afford to today. “Look, I don’t know how to say this, but I have to before things get any worse. I’m just going to be blunt here.

You… Your condition. Its… bad… Like really bad. The headache, the episodes, the memory loss…. Its a condition that… That has no cure. But it is rare. Like one person per million or something.” I didn’t know what I was saying. I just kept trying to find something to ease the realization. To help her to not simply fall apart. “I guess I really am your one in a million, aren’t I?” A tear rolled down her face following the lines of her forced smile.
I guess it was not her, but me who was going to break down. She was always a strong girl. Even now in the face of death, she’s cracking jokes. It simply makes me fall apart further and further to see her like this. “So, how… How long… Do I have?” Her smile slowly faded. “A year… At max,” I replied. I felt a little better that I had got it out of me, but it was not to last as I saw her battling to keep her composure. We sat there all night, huddled in a blanket on the couch as the gravity of reality dawned on her and me trying to etch as much of her and the feeling of her next to me, into my mind. But our troubles would only begin.

It was as if her mind had split in two. Every day was a battle for her sanity against herself. Bad odds. It wasn’t long before she slipped into a coma. She just laid on the bed, her charismatic and cheery personality, trapped in her own motionless body. Her eyes moved, observing everything. Her ears, trying to pick up every sound. I keep wondering if she even recognized me all those time I sat next to her, wondering if she recognized all her favorite songs I played on her stereo, I wonder if she even remembered the photo of us I placed beside her bed, taken on the day of our wedding. It was a day I will never forget, me in my black tuxedo which she adored, her in a beautiful wedding dress, lying in our bed at our home. It was a small ceremony, only our closest friends and family attended. It was beautiful. Daffodils and wine, a large vanilla cake and of course, black current ice cream. It would have been her dream wedding, if she wasn’t trapped in a dream. A dream that would soon come to an end.

A few weeks later, on a bright sunny day, the sparrows danced in the sky, the beautiful fluffy clouds glided along the blue sky. The cool breeze whistling past the trees, the smell of daffodils from our garden, the voices of cheerful children playing, vehicles zooming by. It was a perfect sunny day and I was in my room putting my black tuxedo on. I looked towards our bed, which shone in the golden sunlight. Empty.

I would never forget the day I kissed her forehead one last time. I just felt so devastated. Every day I saw her suffer, I watched helplessly. Her last days were simply suffering, but I only hope she finds peace wherever she goes and will wait for me on a bench under a tree on a hill. Waiting for me to sneak up on her and kiss her neck, daffodils hidden behind my back.

Of course, life wasn’t done yet. You see, my suffering had only reached halfway. The other half didn’t waste any time getting to me. Luckily, I wouldn’t really understand most of the rest of my life.

Of course, it’s just an assumption

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Rainy days in Cloudless minds.

“What? Never seen a human before?” She asked, turning to me, “You didn’t listen to a word I said, did you?”
“Yeah yeah, I was listening, so the cottage in Italy, and the grapevines and the… Yeah I wasn’t listening.” I ended with an awkward smile as I sat up straight on the bench.

Come back on Christmas to find out what happens at the end of the Series @ Ep 4: Damage, Debris & Clear Skies.

EP 2: Silence before the storm.

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N.B : In case you missed EP 1 Where it all began: Dont worry, click here

Life was always challenging for us, but we both loved a challenge. Me and her were inseparable and undefeatable. We would deal with every problem with the motto, what doesn’t kill us, simply gives us another chance to risk our lives. I know, I know, insane duo. The word insane is something people always described us with but with all the things happening lately, I feel it might pertain more to Anjali and not in a humorous way. It all started a few months ago.

How do I look?” she asked, dressed in a beautiful emerald green dress. She always looked spectacular in green. “Enchanting,” I replied, finding it difficult to take my eyes of her. Soon, we were in the car and on our way. “Dr Rajesh Kumar weds Ms Smitha Venu. You know, I can’t believe they’re getting married. I mean, they were always in love and all, but it only feels like yesterday when they were sitting right in front of us, cracking jokes and all of us getting in trouble together. Speaking of which, are you simply going to take me to other people’s marriages or are we ever gonna get married?” she said turning to me with her arms folded, slightly exasperated. I had veered away from the topic of marriage.

I mean, there’s nothing I wanted more than to spend a lifetime with this girl, but I felt my life needed to be more stable before I can have a family. She on the other hand was just waiting for me to get on my knees and propose at some exotic location with romantic music playing in the background. Full on classic love story. Dealing with this was hard as it is, without all of my friends getting married, making her even more annoyed. One guy even went that extra mile and had a son. He had a frigging kid! I swear, if I get my hands on him, well, I’ll probably let go and apologize. But you get the picture.

I had quite a hard time trying to reason with her but ultimately decided it’s best to change the topic. We soon reached the venue. It was a grand function with a DJ party, bar, expensive cars, large buffets, you name it. It was also on an island near the coast with a small mansion in the center. We had a great time, but things started to change when I saw Anjali walking towards the pier. There was something odd about the way she walked. Her pace was slow and somewhat wobbly. She seemed to be losing control. As I got to her, she turned around, “Aah, there you are. I was wondering where the waiter was, can you find my fiance, he’s there somewhere in the crowd wearing a black tuxedo and a weird red bow tie.”

Very funny Anjali, but you’re not supposed to be here. This pier is off limits.”

I proceeded to pull her away from the edge. “How dare you?! Get your hands off me! Who do you think you are?! Wait till my fiancé gets here.” I wasn’t new to her pranks but this time it was different. She seemed so serious and angry. She just didn’t recognize me. I couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening. She started moving towards the car and I followed. Once she was there, she turned around, “Whoa you startled me. I was looking for you. There was this waiter who came to me while I was at the pier. He started getting all… What’s wrong?” She noticed my face of confusion. I had no idea what was happening. I couldn’t believe this woman was my Anjali. But there she was standing in front of me, looking just like her, down to her unmistakable posture and the tiny actions that were a signature of her.

We reached home, and I carried her to the bedroom. She had fainted soon after what happened on the pier. It was the first time she had an episode like that. Also, her depression was getting worse. She was always this positive source of light in my dark and murky universe. Now she’s so depressed it almost fills the room she is in. She didn’t seem like the girl I fell in love with, more like a corrupted and unrealistic recreation of her. Day by day, her condition got worse and worse, but every time I took her to multiple experts, they would give her medicines that did absolutely nothing. It was unbearable. To see the girl that just wouldn’t accept defeat, now simply a convoluted mixture of random memories and episodes of memory loss, depression and anxiety.

I had noticed a change in her behavior much earlier, but I simply guessed it was her occasional depression sessions where she suddenly gets depressed and then soon goes back to normal, only this had lasted days which was abnormal. I even caught her talking to absolutely no one in the bedroom. She simply stared at the wall and talked about me, sometimes she was talking to me, only I was not where she seemed to think I was. It started to creep me out. After the pier incident I started noticing her physical changes. She had a hard time walking. Her motor skills were almost non-existent sometimes. Most of the time she would walk as if there was nothing wrong, but at other times, she could barely stand up. Occasionally, she would talk like usual but sometimes, out of nowhere, she would forget who I was, and start attacking me and call out my name for help. She seemed to have memory issues. I had her diagnosed with yet another psychiatrist, a leading expert and a close friend of ours, Dr Rajesh Kumar, but he said he’s going to need to study her further and requested that we visit him on a regular basis.

What’s happening? Where are you taking me?” She was in her normal state but remembered nothing of the previous 12 visits to the psychiatrist. She even forgot her name a few times. It was getting serious. The psychiatrist got into contact with some of his more experienced colleagues and they were all examining her.

I was waiting outside, unable to bare the suspense. The clocks seemed to have stopped, for each hour dragged on till it felt like I had sat there for years. The world simply stopped. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I wanted to know what’s wrong with my Anjali, but no one would say a word. Soon the experts came out of their office and sat down with me. My friend put a hand on my shoulder with a comforting smile, “We’re lucky her condition was discovered as early as it was. But…” To be honest, I didn’t really pay much attention to what he said. All that I could think of was the condition she was diagnosed with. My world fell apart in that very instant.

I decided to take a walk to help me deal with the issue. My mind was exploding with thoughts, memories, her laughter, her face, her smile. I even remembered the cake sitting in my car. It was her birthday. But today was supposed to be more than just her birthday. If it weren’t for her sudden loss of consciousness, I would have taken her on a trip to a nearby hill where we used to sit on a bench beneath a tree since we were kids. A bench on which I sat, trying to convince myself it’s not just a nightmare. After smoking a few cigarettes, which I usually don’t do, I got up and walked back to the psychiatrist’s office. The rain, thunder and lightning that raged that evening never bothered me as I slowly walked back to the hospital. The image of the ring I left on that bench on the hill in my thoughts, the ring which would have hopefully rested on her hand. Soon my mind came back to her and the psychiatrist’s words, the condition she was suffering from.

It’s funny how three words can unhinge your entire world in a single instant.

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Rainy days in Cloudless minds.

I reached out to grab her hand. She looked at me, confused. There were times I simply grabbed her hand and made cheesy declarations of love that she used to adore. But I usually had a playful expression on my face, not one that suggested I was about to break apart, like I was just trying to take it all in, her face, her eyes, her smile, her.
“What is it?”

Come back next Saturday to figure what he has planned to say to her.

EP 1: Where it All Began

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Wow. Bet ya 50 bucks, I can reach the waves before you,” she said as we arrived. I reached into my pocket and handed her a 50 dollar note. “Seriously?!” She exclaimed. She walked towards the beach, untying her hair. She always loved beaches. After a few minutes of wading about in the waves she walked towards me. “Hey, aren’t you going to join me at… Wait don’t! My hair sucks!” She shouted over the waves as I took a photo.

It was a beautiful sunny day in May at Long Beach, Cannes, France. With its beautiful blue skies, ebony clouds and chocolate brown sands, overlooked by the glimmering glass covered buildings bordering the beach, there’s no surprise it was her dream destination. Soon, we were walking the streets, looking at a variety of sights, the old and new style buildings, the scents, the food, the music, the sounds, truly an experience of a lifetime. But for Anjali, it would be so much more than just a dream destination.

We had an amazing day at the Cannes film festival. We took tonnes of photos of moments we would never want to forget. Funnily enough, all my moments with her were ones I would never want to forget. This trip made me even more adamant to notice and remember as much of her as possible, her perfections and imperfections coming together to create someone so unreal.

Soon we sat down in a small restaurant overlooking the sea. I still remember the gulls cruising in the wind, calm and serene, not a care in the world. I longed for that state of nirvana my entire life and now she was sitting across from me, slurping lime juice. She made it a point to make as much noise as she could, for she knew it irritated me. SLURRRPPPP SLLLUUURRRPPPP. UHHHHHGGGGGGG

The sun slowly slipped below the horizon and she turned to me, “You know, I’ve always wanted a house in a place like this. A small cottage, somewhere on the coast. Salty winds, blue skies, a small garden with grapevines and daffodils. A pet golden retriever too. We’ll name him Puppy, so no matter how old he grows, he’ll still be our Puppy.” She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I simply sat there smiling and commenting on her ideas, but deep down, with each word she said, I fell further apart.

You know, this vacation would have been perfect if not for these blasted coughs,” she complained as she looked longingly at the ice cream stall across the street. She always ate this purple, black current flavor which I despised. She would paste a little on her face and say, “Look, I’m Thanos.” She could make me laugh, without even trying. Me? I’m not much of a comedian. I’m just a somewhat shy, reserved individual who doesn’t talk much but has a dash of sarcasm and an existent humor sense. I do enjoy jokes, just not the type to crack one.

Then again there is the rare moment I do crack one. Keyword being RARE. In fact, there was this one time back in high-school, the physics teacher spotted me sleeping in class and asked me to prove that path of motion of a projectile is parabolic. I think the word she used was Trajectory. Anyways, I stand up and toss an eraser across the room. I guess my teacher wasn’t a fan of humor, cause I found myself standing guard the classroom door. Outstanding student. It would have been a bit more bearable if I could walk around or something, but here in India (I don’t know how many other places this kind of torture is prevalent), you had to stand outside the classroom door till the class was over after which the teacher will decide either to let you in or something worse.

Just as I thought I was gonna die of boredom, I spotted Anjali making faces at me from our bench in the back. It wasn’t long before she joined me in standing guard. You should have seen her face as she walked out, guilt ridden as she walked past the teacher, but as soon as she crossed her, rolled her eyes at me, “I had enough of her anyway.”

Of course, all this was before we fell in love. It was a beautiful story. I met her at a cultural event at my school where I was catching up with a friend of mine and his buddies from another school who had come to attend the event. This is when a group of girls came there, and we all started talking. In the crowd, I noticed this one girl, very VERY pretty and wanted to go talk to her. I had spotted this girl the moment she first came to school. She was a new student. I never really knew how exactly start a conversation with her. But now, seeing my opportunity, I made my way towards her through the chaos. Of course, it wasn’t easy as I thought, because she never stayed at one place and soon I gave up. A few minutes late, my buddy and his gang left. That’s when one of the girls started talking to me and all of us decided to have milkshakes. We sat down at a bench and were talking but soon the girl next to me, got up and the pretty one took her place. “Hi, I’m Anjali. You?”

Things just started from there. Me and her were simply perfect for each other. We completed each other’s sentences, had similar tastes and she was a fan of my drawings and I was a fan of her… well… I was a fan of Her. It wasn’t long before I asked her out, but I wasn’t too hopeful. She was one of the most popular girls and had scores of guys behind her. What did surprise me is when she agreed to go on a date. I still remember how we walked down a small street next to the beach having ice-cream. Bliss.

It was absolutely perfect in every way. All my friends were constantly bugging me to take them out to celebrate my success. It was a memorable day when I introduced her to my friends who pretended to not know we were a couple and when a confused Anjali explained to them, they enacted a very dramatic scene of warning Anjali from making a mistake that she would regret for the rest of her life. I assure you, those idiots went all the way. One girl even faked tears in the corner for the ‘late’ Anjali. Talk about reliable buddies.

In the end we were hysterical thinking about all the antics those idiots got up to on that day and all the crazy things all of us did together. The good old days. She was my partner in crime and crisis. We still laugh out loud over all those beautiful memories

If only I could laugh as wholeheartedly as she did.

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Rainy days in Cloudless minds.

The story doesn’t end there. Here’s a small excerpt from the next chapter.

It was her birthday. But today was supposed to be more than just her birthday. If it weren’t for her sudden loss of consciousness, I would have taken her on a trip to a nearby hill where we used to sit on a bench beneath a tree since we were kids. A bench on which I sat, trying to convince myself it’s not just a nightmare.

Where does the dream turn into a nightmare and why?

Click here to read Ep 2: Silence Before the Storm

Exuberant relationships

 

WhatsApp Image 2018-11-20 at 18.45.35Lately I had been bestowed with the gift of thinking. I call this a gift as it leads to revelation. Once, entering this realm of seething thoughts I realized that depression is optional. Just like how we have the freedom to choose how to dress up or what to eat, we have the choice to embrace it or exclude it. It’s not something that is imposed onto us by someone, its something that we can opt for. It’s the outcome of our perspective, or the way we look at life.

Often our view or perspective is influenced by two things or at least that’s what I’ve felt. Among this, one is, of course, book. Books teach us a lot of things. It is an entirely different world out there. It’s like a labyrinth, once you enter this space you will get lost and you’ll end up falling in love with it. Even the very smell of a new book can get you excited. It takes us to face the world and the different people in it to be precise. It, in a way, act as a mould which shapes our view and enables us to look at the bright side of things, like the sides we haven’t even thought about.

Next, the soul-buddy. Now, this person right here is the one I want to talk about. Accept it, we all have this soul-sister or soul-brother or soul-mate or whatsoever term we use. It can be our best friend, our parents, our better-half or even our pain-in the-neck siblings. This person is the one with whom you comfortably share all your topsy-turvy thoughts. They seldom let you down and listen to all your weirdest fantasies. They know who you are because they had seen you in your best and worst behavior. They know ways to celebrate your happiness and methods to survive your wrath. They will be the ones who had seen your brightest and exasperating sides.

Let me tell you some ways to figure out this person. They are the ones with whom you are in your true self and you both will be devoid of masks. The real you that lies within the mask is shadowed by it when you wear them which doesn’t happen when you are with this person. Well, many a times, I’ve seen people who aren’t true to anyone. And I’ve often wondered if they had ever been true at least to themselves. They act so lovey-dovey in front of some and at the same time they go around bitching about them. And if I’m not wrong, this trait is quite common in all of us and we would’ve done it at least at some point of time in our lives.

Now, the next thing is that you have the complete freedom to goof around when you are with them, and you can utter all your nonsense as you don’t have to coax them to like you. Like I said, they know you inside-out, they have seen the good and bad side in you and have been patient while listening to all your babbling. They have your character certificate to be precise. They help us to choose the right solution for our complicated problems. And the best part is that, they are gifted with the subtle art of cooling you down. I call it an art as it is acquired as a result of endless patience and tolerance.

Now, one thing I want to tip-you off is that, this role of soul-buddy won’t be confined to one single person all the time, especially in today’s world where human relations get withered off so easily. For instance, my soul-buddy back when I was in school is almost like a stranger now. And another batch-mate, who was like a stranger back then, is very close to me now. See. Things change!

So far I’ve come across a couple of people who have been persistent in their relationship with me. I’m not planning to mention their names, still let me hint you off how they fit into these roles so that u can ponder if u have one such important person in your life, whom you haven’t taken into serious consideration

  1. The whole-sister. I’m a hosteler and I have two beautiful souls as my roomies. So obviously, they qualify to that title. Among them one is my all in all. She listens to all my dramas patiently and I always have her shoulder when I cry.  She is the perfect partner-in-crime and we both share the same mental age. ^_^
  2. The gorgeous google. She is gorgeous to be frank and just like google, she has the solutions to all my problems. She is the boldest woman I’ve ever come across in my entire life. She is the best when it comes to comforting someone. She just knows how to sort things out. Both these ladies are the reason why I survive in my hostel and I can’t even think of being in my room without these two- which will be happening next year. May god save me!
  3. The ‘Always-here’ lass. Well, we’ve been friends for about 5 years now. Our relation is quite hilarious. At times we don’t call or even text each other. We often fight for no reason. Still we both know that we are always there for each other. Whenever we have a problem we know where to turn to.
  4. The count on me lad. He is the batch-mate I was talking about earlier. It so happened that once I rang him up and cried my heart out. And he just listened to all my dramas for like half and hour without saying a word and then he was like woah, get a grip on yourself, it’s not the end of the world bro… And from that day on I bug him without fail and he still tolerates me as he has signed up for that. 😀
  5. The sarcastic boyo. We have been friends for almost 10 years. He is the one who had witnessed almost all my dramas and fits. Knows exactly how and when I make tantrums. He knows how loony and babyish I can be. According to him, my problems are not exactly problems’, in fact they are just puny instances – (true tho). He taught me that we shouldn’t go around complaining about the little things in life.

I believe that everyone of us are gifted with beautiful souls like these who will cheer us up. All you have to do is to find them, and once you find them enjoy your life to the fullest. Once you have your own space and people, life will be worth living as you will have at least a handful of people who are true to your face and doesn’t pass on judgement no matter what you do. So instead of sitting back disappointed, try to find the right lad and enjoy your life being you.

Written by Sandra Paul

 

 

Struggle

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My head hurts from the sleepless night
I woke up hungover from the alcohol I never had,
Is it just me or has the whole world turned darker
I can’t get up, its just too much effort,

Some insane thoughts are driving me crazy
Galloping past me, all day long,
I have lost all the control over its reins
I have never been so lost, so tired, so weary,

Its killing me from the inside to even smile,
I smile but it doesn’t reach up to my eyes
It’s laden in a desperate hope ,
Of finding something that will help me go on

I look around and see people everywhere ,
They don’t have that look of despair
That they are desperately trying to hide,
It’s making me wonder why I’m all alone

But I’m done with all this ,
I’m ready to move on
I’m all set to fight my way back ,
I want to soar high

Give me wings and I’ll set out high ,
To chase the clouds, to capture the moon
And to conquer the sun ,
I’ll float among the stars and be one among them

I’ll be that shining star in the darkest sky ,
When it’s pitch dark out watch out for me
I’ll send my shooting stars ,
And you’ll know I’m fine..

Poem by CHIRI

Diary of a Young Boy

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Dear diary, the silence of my phone is deafening.

Hey, wassup? Its been a few days, I know. I’ve been busy, but it seems you have been too. Your programs went well, I presume. I can’t begin to explain how annoying it is to have so much to say, but no you to say it to. My day just feels incomplete without telling you all about it, to the most minute detail, and you cracking a silly joke every second. I can’t help but wait for you to text me or call me on my cell phone. Sometimes I wish I had a hotline to communicate with you. It’s funny, people talk about how they see a diary as a best friend, but here I am seeing a best friend as nothing short of a diary, only so much more. Each day, I simply open my phone out of habit, to message you and then just as I open our chat, I remember you’re busy with everything that’s going on, and I foolishly place my phone back in my pocket. My friends keep asking me, “Why do you pay so much attention to that girl? Just cause you have a crush on her doesn’t mean you have to message her all the time.” If only they knew I’m anticipating a whole different person. Imagine what they would think if they knew I barely talk to the girl I have a crush on because I’m too busy handling the random bullshit of the only person whom I confidently confide all my random bullshit to. The icing on the cake being that we are 2 total strangers who know each other better than most people who know us in real life. I sometimes wonder, what would happen if we ended up running into each other somewhere? Would we even recognize each other?

How is it, someone who you barely know, is the person about whom there’s barely anything left to know. Its a weird world and we are a weird species. But even in such impossible circumstance, two people, at two different ends of the spectrum became nothing short of siblings through a medium of communication. My friend, my polar opposite, my sister and my diary. What would I do without you? Probably make rash, irrational decisions left and right, and that’s not a very promising prospect. But of all the decisions I’ve made, deciding to try and help you be less introverted and more confident is perhaps one of my best. As much difference as I’ve made in your path. I’ve traveled roads that were till then untraveled until there were no roads left. I’ve always been really confident and gutsy, but you had a big part to play, and in the end, our conversations have always taken me to different levels and I have a good feeling you’re gonna help a lot more people along your way. You’re are truly more than what meets the eye. As childish as you say you are, you’ve helped me much more than you give yourself credit for. Maybe its the naivety of your opinions and remarks that give me a different angle on my situation and help me decide upon a different path. Strange, isn’t it. But I’m always glad to have you by my side to push me further and keep making me believe in myself, that I can succeed, even when my chances are 1 in 14000605. With my resolutions of stone paired with your infinite positivity, everything is in my fingertips and I can achieve anything in a snap. Even if half the world stood against me, I’ll reduce them to ashes. I feel so phenomenal, even when everything becomes a bit shady.

Also, just the other day I was reading Diary of a young girl: Anne Frank. I was baffled by the resemblance between yours and her characters, the fun, naive, positive girl that simply refuses to be negative, and now you’ve got me to take the place of Kitty. As long as we have each other, we don’t need blue eyes to survive any holocaust

But one of things I really miss when we have long silences is our silly arguments, and how we settle our differences, especially with the addition of all the things that have been happening recently. Sometimes it feels weird to go about my day without having annoyed you with a stupid comment about something or the other you care about. But even with all that stupidity between us, I don’t need to check the horoscopes, to know that you’ll be a star one day. Greatness has always been within you. As it is in everyone, but sometimes greatness has strange ways of showing itself. Even if its in the form of a person who’s introverted enough to barely talk to people, deciding to not be introverted as much and then successfully making friends on her own terms. Must have felt on top of the world. Everyday it’s a privilege to see you grow, till you’re practically 10 feet tall. But what truly surprises me, is even after all your achievements, your humility is still fixed in its place. That’s what makes you truly special. No matter how much changes you undergo, you change without losing your individuality. You don’t remain the same, but simply become better. Every second of your life is the most perfect you’ve ever been and the most imperfect you’ll ever be, and I think that’s just amazing. Your moral compass is on point. But one thing I find amusing, is how you don’t see it yourself and think why other people like you, have trouble accepting that they are every thing that they are. But I’m so happy that I can say it in the past tense.

Well, dear diary, as much as I would like to keep talking, that’s all for today. I’m already late to go to bed, but I had to confide all this to you, but since the real you isn’t here, I have to make do with this virtual version of you. But hopefully, it won’t be too long till your schedule gets a bit more relaxed and we can continue our conversations at greater lengths. So, finish it up quick! I’ve got so much to say.

Written by Aravind

 

Shards she shreds

WhatsApp Image 2018-10-24 at 10.30.28

He walked away without a backward glance
And in a second her heart shattered into a million shards,
An arrant vacuum embraced her lips
And nibbled away into her hollow ribs,

She screamed in terror
The terror of loosing him forever ,
Down she fell with no one for her aid
Heavier than lead her mind weighed,

But she didn’t sway not for a moment
And went on with her life without any lament,
When words fail her, she smile
And the world smile back at her after a while,

You see, this darkest heart now
Has the deepest story of love,
Locked tight and kept away
In the farthest corner, far far away,

Stare into her eyes
And you will see past the lies,
Those misty eyes are are the sole
Peepholes to her soul,

Walk away for all you care
She’ll rise again with a spirit so rare,
She’s strong and warm and so much more
And wouldn’t show it even if she’s sore.

Poem by CHIRI