#15. How hard it is to say NO!

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Last day a couple of friends and I decided to have lunch from KFC. We tricked the nice innocent friend into standing in the queue (only after making sure that he knew our orders by heart though) and went to sit down. He came back with every possible dip available, ketchup, mayo, garlic paste, name it you got it. That too for all three of us. And not one of us ever use any of these stuffs. We stared at him pointedly without even giving him the occasional relief of blinking until he blurted out “I’m sorry guys. I fell for the dips again”. He further went on to explain that when the nice lady at the counter asked him nicely if he wanted dips, he couldn’t just say no to her like that. Although it seemed like a silly thing then, I later realized it to be something of a more serious problem that many of us introverts face, the difficulty in saying NO to someone.

The hardest thing to say no to is when your friends make plans to go out when all you want is a chill day with your books, cookies, chips and pajamas. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love hanging out with my friends and I always have an awesome some time whenever I hang out with them. But I don’t know if it’s just a Linnet thing or a universal thing (I’m 99.985% certain that it’s a universal thingy) but on some days the lazybones in me get better of me. But how do I convey this to my friends without hurting their feelings. What if they take this NO to be a subtle hint that I don’t like hanging out with them anymore(all chunkies of mine who’s reading this I love hanging out you ((yes all of you)) and don’t stop inviting me to go out with you even if I say NO twice or thrice in a row).So back to my worrisome brain’s musings.. What if they stop including me in all their future plans? What if they decide to stop talking to me altogether? What if they DUMP me from the position as a best friend? * sobs and blow nose violently *

Enough with the drama. I might have exaggerated the situation a little but still saying a firm NO to plans that involve going out is hard. The trick is to tell them exactly what you want them to know. While “Sorry I rather prefer the company of my books than you guys” would be a rather meanie thing to say “Sorry guys I was really looking forward to today but I’m just not in the mood to go out today. I don’t even have the energy to dress (make 33.3% sad + 33.3% tired + 33.3% innocent expression)”. Okay let me get one thing straight here. I’m not teaching you guys how to manipulate your friends into letting you off the hook for not hanging out with them. Rather I’m telling you all this so that you wouldn’t end up hurting their feelings. Okay so back to the topic how many of you had instances where someone asked you for help with something which you had absolutely no idea on but said yes only so that you wouldn’t sound rude. And ended up making a mess of the whole thing only to regret not having the guts to openly admit your lack of proficiency in the required subject matter.

Or on a sillier note when your little brother comes into your room demanding his rightful share in the packet of hide and seek chocolate cookies which you had skillfully hidden away under your pillow. It’s impossible to say a hard NO to him(or her in case you have a sister) , not because you were enchanted by his large puppy eyes but because you know what will happen if you decide to shut the door at his face.
He will go storming to mom complaining how much of a meanie his big sister is. Mom, far from the impartial judge that she’s supposed to be, has an inclination towards the younger sibling. This is all so frustrating because all you wanted to do was have a packet of nice chocolate chip cookies in peace and was instead brought for trial? Such injustice.

The next hardest thing to say NO to is something all Indians would be familiar with. Us Indians have this rich tradition of “Athiti devo bhava” meaning we are known for entertaining guests with great hospitality, treating them as equivalents of God (I might have exaggerated the context a wee bit). Translation: stuffing them with all sorts of delicacies without listening to their cries of “I’m so full aunty. You don’t want to see my stomach explode do you!”. Desserts, Chocolates, ice cream, deep fried spirals, hexagons, spheres and so goes the list. Everything’s happy at first but even after your stomach attains the saturation level there’s no way out of it. Here you are struggling to breathe while aunty makes the re-entry from kitchen with plates of more colorful varieties. You try saying no again but seeing that your cry for mercy is falling into deaf ears your plea again in a whinier tone but no, “you need more flesh on that skeleton, kid” is what you are met with. These aunties may be the sweetest souls, but they have the one-man ability to uproot your carefully formulated diets in a matter of seconds.
Saying no is never easy but sometimes you just won’t have another option. Don’t think of it as anything worse than ripping off a band aid (but then when has ripping off a band aid ever been easy). So, what I’m trying to say is that when a situation demands you to say a hard no to someone or something you’ve got to toughen up and do it whether you like it or not. Like for example when a plateful of cheesy fries are staring at you, begging you to take them in your hands tenderly, lick the cheese off them and to sink your teeth gently into the perfect crispy surface. But no don’t fall for it. Be a strong woman (woman, because I’m talking about myself), look the cheesy fries in the eyes and say “NO CHEESY FRIES. NOT THIS TIME. SORRY “. And pat yourself on the back saying,” there you go that wasn’t so hard was it”, wipe your tears and walk away.

So if you have any stories of similar instances do share guys!

Written by CHIRI

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Struggle

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My head hurts from the sleepless night
I woke up hungover from the alcohol I never had,
Is it just me or has the whole world turned darker
I can’t get up, its just too much effort,

Some insane thoughts are driving me crazy
Galloping past me, all day long,
I have lost all the control over its reins
I have never been so lost, so tired, so weary,

Its killing me from the inside to even smile,
I smile but it doesn’t reach up to my eyes
It’s laden in a desperate hope ,
Of finding something that will help me go on

I look around and see people everywhere ,
They don’t have that look of despair
That they are desperately trying to hide,
It’s making me wonder why I’m all alone

But I’m done with all this ,
I’m ready to move on
I’m all set to fight my way back ,
I want to soar high

Give me wings and I’ll set out high ,
To chase the clouds, to capture the moon
And to conquer the sun ,
I’ll float among the stars and be one among them

I’ll be that shining star in the darkest sky ,
When it’s pitch dark out watch out for me
I’ll send my shooting stars ,
And you’ll know I’m fine..

Poem by CHIRI

Shards she shreds

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He walked away without a backward glance
And in a second her heart shattered into a million shards,
An arrant vacuum embraced her lips
And nibbled away into her hollow ribs,

She screamed in terror
The terror of loosing him forever ,
Down she fell with no one for her aid
Heavier than lead her mind weighed,

But she didn’t sway not for a moment
And went on with her life without any lament,
When words fail her, she smile
And the world smile back at her after a while,

You see, this darkest heart now
Has the deepest story of love,
Locked tight and kept away
In the farthest corner, far far away,

Stare into her eyes
And you will see past the lies,
Those misty eyes are are the sole
Peepholes to her soul,

Walk away for all you care
She’ll rise again with a spirit so rare,
She’s strong and warm and so much more
And wouldn’t show it even if she’s sore.

Poem by CHIRI

#.14 My messed up hostel life

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Disclaimer: This is a fun Hostel experience from Chiri that she witness in her college back in Kerala,India. This may not be exactly the same hostel experience my readers experience. Therefore, enjoy the footsteps of another bloggers uni life.

A haunting eerie voice woke me up today morning. I woke up shuddering. I listened to the music for some seconds longer. Images of a fair lady laden in white clothing with pangs springing out through her chilly red lips and her piercing stare falling on my neck flashed through my mind. (vampires always do this thing of sucking blood from the tenderest part of our neck in movies, just in case you are wondering why I said neck of all the body parts). Turns out the music was just the alarm of my friend, who, by the way, was still sound asleep. Yeah annoying! I know right!!
There are so many things that makes my hostel life super awesome which I would love to share with you.

1. The first thing thing that comes to my mind when I say hostel is the food fights. Whenever someone comes back to hostel with home cooked food, we’ll turn into homeless people who were starved for days. The battle ceases only after the last bit of food has vanished into our tummies.

2. The next thing is the pre-exam days. We’ll not open our books until the very last day of the study holidays and towards the evening everyone will be seen pacing to and fro with a book in their hands as if their tails are on fire. Some legends will be seen searching for the books in all the dusty corners of the room and the ultra legends will be seen running to the book store to get the prescribed textbooks! (it’s totally true I’m not even kidding)

3. The next one is the best. The crush discussions. Every single guy who has crushes on your friends will be cross evaluated and discussed. We don’t just stop with the present crushes, we even predict potential crushes. Imagine the plight of a poor girl who’s sitting in the middle of the rest of the squad and being attacked from all directions. In the midst of all these teasing, if she dare to smile even once, then she’ll be met with “see, its only been days and she’s fallen for him already”!

4. Saturday preps. We have an option to wear color dress on Saturdays to college and Saturday mornings are usually the most eventful time of the week.To get your top and bottom to perfectly match is the most difficult thing in the world, we realize on Saturdays. Not to mention the most difficult task of ironing it. There will be some top few favorite tops which will be worn over and over by the entire squad until guys at college starts asking if that’s our new uniform! That’s the case in my squad idk about the others though! 😂😂

5. When the warden makes the villain entry.We are not allowed to make phone calls after 9.30 pm at our hostel. So one day I was calling my mom and it slipped my mind that it was past 9.30. I was narrating some funny incident and I was all laughing and giggling and boom! I landed right in front of our warden and she’s like I don’t care who you call as long as its before the time limit.Clearly she had thought that I was calling some boy. And what’s funnier the only guy who ever calls me is my dad(pathetic, I know right) but how can I explain all that to her. So I just smile the embarrassed “ohh you caught me” smile and cut the call because explanations aren’t worth the effort.

6.  Yay it’s someone’s birthday. Birthday nights are simply the best. Before I go on, I gotta tell you about the rules of our hostel. We can create as much ruckus as we want till 9.30 pm but not even a sigh should be heard afterwards. Which means no wishing, no cake cutting and especially no signing “HAAaaPppyyyyyYy BirtHdaaaayyYy to youuu” at midnight. But we go by the ideal that rules are meant to be broken so this has never stopped us from celebrating birthdays at midnights. (while we are on the topic of midnight I gotta say, everything is much more fun at midnight.. Eating,singing even showering.. Maybe it’s the moonlight charm 😂😂). If we are caught, an earful of scolding and a hefty fine follows. Being a hosteler, I’ll be broke like all the weeks except the week I’m returning from home so I try to avoid fine if I can help it. On my birthday we all agreed that we’ll make as little noise as possible so that we can escape punishment at least this time. But alas! The kids of the boys school hostel which is in the same premise as ours had chosen to prank their warden on the exact same day. They made a huge commotion at the door of their warden and then went to bed pretending to be all asleep. So when the warden woke up and went in search of the noise he saw his boys all fast asleep and guess what happened next.. he saw light in our building, that too in just one single room.. Everyone knows what that means.. Midnight birthday party! So the next day he called and complained to our warden that we made noise at midnight and woke up the entire boys hostel blah blah and the warden held a meeting of the whole hostel and while at it asked who’s birthday was! Desperately looking around to see if anyone’s raising their hands, I swallowed the lump in my throat. (okay I’m being too dramatic here.. The only thing I was scared of was if I would accidentally laugh while the warden was telling me off). The rest is pretty much self explanatory. And in case you are wondering, NO we(we as in my whole squad we) did not get a fine but was given a punishment what lasted for a whole month. And back to my birthday celebration, I got into the Guinness world records for taking the most baths in 24 hours.. 8. I TOOK 8 BATHS ON MY BIRTHDAY. One stinky oil bath, two washing soap water bath, one powder bath and rest all normal baths to get ride of the nasty smell left by the other baths. All thanks to my chuddy buddies!

7.”Pack your bags, we are bunkin’ ” Or maybe not. When you finally gather courage to bunk a class and step into the lift in order to avoid the next hour teacher, who usually takes the stairs but( dramatic pause) runs right into her on the lift,God… that has to be the most embarrassing cringy moment ever and it happens every single time. Maybe the universe is telling us to stay in class and be good students. Idk it’s positively creepy how it happens every time to me and me only!

8. Jo thera he vo mera he, vo thera he vo mera principle(that’s a Hindi verse which can be roughly translated as “what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is also mine”).When you are in a hostel, all of your stuff including your clothes, uniform, pillow, food, makeup, blanket, stationary, bag, college books, even bed will be common property on which you have no preferential rights. The only thing you have for yourself (maybe except for your toothbrush) is your phone. That too only if its locked with the most complicated password which cannot be encoded even by the Interpol.

9. The squad meetings. If you see the entire squad huddled together you know what that means..something spicy is going on. Or maybe we’re just discussing ghost stories. “I swear I left the tap open but when i returned after 10 seconds the tap was closed and there was no one in the washroom!”, “I was all alone in my room and I saw a shadow flickering past my bed TWICE!”, “I keep hearing footsteps behind me, but when I turn, there’s no one following me”. “That’s it. There is a ghost at our hostel”…

Hostel life is awesome, this is a realization which was dawned upon me in the course of the past one year. Sometimes I feel that I like my hostel much more than my college. Weird but true! Living in a hostel made me realize that my friends are no longer friends but my new family. There’s so much love between us, yes we fight occasionally and go for days without talking but when we get back together it’s picking up exactly where we left off. That’s what I love the most about some people. I see these people all the time, at college as well as hostel but we never grow tired of each others company or run out of stupid stuff to blabber. These people who have seen you at your rock bottom, if they still stick to you and stick up for you, trust me they are angels whom you wouldn’t want to loose.That’s the lesson I learned from my first year at college..

 

If you have any hostel stories to share, go on I’m all ears. Or eyes. Whatever!! 😂😂

Written by CHIRI

#12. Phobias that refuse to say bye bye

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Phobias are essentially part of every single human being. However brave a person might appear on the out, he’ll definitely have some fears hidden beneath the brave exterior. It might range from the mild kind or the extreme kind but it’s presence in some way or other is definite. Don’t we all remember the hunky Tobias Eaton aka four who had just four fears. It had me thinking like how cool would it be if only I had four fears like him. I have some forty fears that I can name now without even pausing to think, even more if I can give it a bit more thought! Scary thought right? Some fears, we can pinpoint and name but others we can only feel with a certain intensity which cannot be expressed into words. Fears differ alot. A brave guy who, on the out, is not afraid of anything at all might actually have mental fears, like fear of loosing his friends or fear of not meeting the expectations of others. There are some really funny phobias too.Once my roomie bought the entire 3 blocks of the hostel to our room with her scream.Everyone thought someone was murdering her, me included.Turns out she had seen a cockroach flying over her and thought it was gonna land on her. But hey I’m not judging her because although I’m not scared of cockroaches I certainly would have woken up, not just the hostel, but the entire city with my screams had it been a snake.

I have some really weird mental fears. Once I get attached to someone , they’ll mean everything to me and I’ll be willing to do anything for ’em. But I have this fear of getting attached to someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me. This has never happened so far but if it ever were to happen I’m sure it’ll leave me broken and hurt beyond repair. So I’m kinda guarded around people and only let certain people whom I’m sure wouldn’t hurt me, inside my bubble.This is not even something I do on purpose, it’s like a subconscious thing that I do. Another fear is the fear of loosing the people I love (I don’t wanna spook you out but yeah I meant death). I don’t wanna talk too much about it because I’m pretty sure you get the picture. So moving on to the next one, fear of not finding “the one”. I’m really old fashioned when it comes to the whole love thing and I can safely say that I have never been in love. I’m waiting for that perfect guy whom I’ll meet(hopefully) after 4-5 years. I got this dumb illusion that I’ll magically find him the moment I’m ready for it.. Like I said dumb! But I’m holding on to this dumb illusion for now till I find another alternative.The next fear of mine is something I should have outgrown by now but sadly I’m still stuck on it without any ways of escape. It’s a pretty common fear found in kids but for a 19 year old it’s definitely embarrassing.The fear is simple enough, I’m scared to address a public audience. Whenever I’m standing in front of a group of people, words fail me and I start to stumble.This also happens if my teachers ask me questions. I think some of my teachers know this and they bombard me with questions in order to help me overcome this fear but it hasn’t been of any help so far. So guys reading this blog, it would be super cool if you could suggest me some ways in which I could overcome this fear. And for the final fear I wanna share, fear of not being good enough. Whatever I do I feel that I’m not good enough. I think I may have self esteem issues and that may (stress on both the “mays”) have something to do with it. I always doubt myself, it’s like I write something and I need someone else to read it for me and unless I hear that person say it’s good enough, I don’t feel that it’s good enough. So even while I’m writing for the blog, I constantly show everything I have written so far to Joshua and I need to hear from him to carry on with it. I also constantly fear and worry that I’m not pretty enough or charming enough like the others.

I have given it a fair amount of thought and I have concluded that I don’t have any crippling fears that just freezes me from the inside or anything dramatic like that. That’s a comforting thought but still I have a lot of fears that I need to work on. You don’t have to compare your phobias with those of others around you. Because just like you your phobias are unique too(atleast that’s what I would like to think).And there’re stuff you can do to make your phobias a lil less bad,if not conquer it. Pushing and challenging yourself to the maximum that you can go will make you stronger and it’ll give a feeling that your phobias are all under control and that they’re not gonna break you. New phobias find their way into my body all the time but I take it as a challenge that I should capture and conquer and life is a whole lot colourful this way! So my advise to you people is that don’t shy away from your phobias instead embrace ’em and eventually win over ‘ em!!

Written by CHIRI

 

 

#11. Laments of a Not-so-happy introvert

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I know a lot of introverts who are perfectly happy with whom they are but i am not one among them .I’m a totally introverted person ,tongue tied whenever someone talks to me for the first time and all that, but that doesn’t stop me from dreaming of being an extrovert.I have read tons of posts and articles and quotes on introverts ..but those tell stories of introverts who are comfortable with their identity.The thing is that I don’t have an introvert face ..it might sound stupid but it’s one hundred percent true .I get judged all the time for not conversing enough or not waiving hi or even for looking at the floor while walking!

It takes up all of my energy to talk to someone when I don’t feel like it .It’s not just frustrating but also puts me in a very awkward position.Its like whenever you are talking to someone your mind is desperately trying to find a quick excuse that could get you out of this plight.But the only thing that keeps introverts like me going is that we got some amazing friends who has seen the wild ,crazy side of us. When you’re with them you wont feel the need to force anything..it comes to you naturally and effortlessly and sometimes you make them wonder if they have to super glue your lips in order to shut you up.

I have been called the arrogant girl who looks down on everyone and I have spent hours pondering over where I have gone wrong but now I am a whole lot clear on the whole thing .Do the best that you can manage and if it’s not enough then don’t hurt yourself thinking it’s all your fault. There are people out there who are going through the same thing as you are and you are not alone in this. It might not sound like a big deal to others who’ll be thinking what’s the big deal in making a small talk or how on earth is conversing hard but trust me guys,its not that easy for everyone. So all I’m asking you extroverts is not to judge those others just because they weren’t friendly enough to you, don’t mark ’em down as arrogant, because chances are they are just not confident enough to open up a conversation. If you give us a chance we can prove that we are indeed master chatterboxes.

Not all introverts are against going out or having fun just roaming around. That’s just a cliché, trust me. I absolutely love hanging out with my friends. We wander around places aimlessly, explore new restaurants and gawk at cute guys. Yes we do all of that.Whenever people picture an introvert having a good time, the image that comes to their mind is a person snuggled up in a comfy chair with a book. And that is something which I enjoy beyond words but that’s not the only thing that we do for fun, we do other stuff too. Adventures are all good but some days you gotta stay in your room with your favorite book because that’s the call of the day. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that introverts can be spontaneous and fun too but some times they are just happy with their alone time.. And they gets marked down as anti social or boring which is just plain sad!

But in spite of all this I have decided that I want to make an effort to change myself into a better person. Its only because I want to prove to myself that I’m strong and I can do this. I don’t know how much time it’s gonna take me to finally be comfortable around everyone I meet (actually I don’t even know if it’s possible at all) and frankly that’s not even my goal. All I wanna do is improve myself a bit more, be a better person than I was yesterday. I know that I’ll definitely be a happier person if I manage to spot a difference in me!

So I wanna tell something to all those introverts out there. Do stuff that makes you happy but learn to come out of your shell once in a while or so too. Its not a bad world out there. It has so much to offer to you. Challenge yourself and you’ll see a better and happier version of you. And most importantly don’t let anything discourage you because you, my friend, are a beautiful gem. You’ll shine in all your glory the moment light falls on you.So don’t hide away in the darkness. Come out and let the world gasp at your brightness.

Written by CHIRI

#9.Dealing with my messy untidy life

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I was up in my room with my eyes glued to the phone, earphones plugged and totally oblivious to the outside world when I heard my mom calling out “Have you cleaned your room yet or does it still look like a dump-yard?” I did the only thing expected of me.. Pretended that I hadn’t heard her and that was when she marched all the way upstairs and barged into my room.. With a dramatic gasp she cried “The guests will he here in an hour.. What will they say when they see your room in this condition” okay first of all mom, they are coming to see us not our home and second it’s not like they are gonna come and inspect for garbage in every single room and mine is upstairs.. So we are pretty much safe here! Except I didn’t say any of these out aloud, I just rolled my eyes and started clearing up the garbage.

I’m not the neatest person I know,not even close . I’m not proud of it but that’s the brutal truth. My room is almost always a mess but I never let that worry me because I always seem to know exactly what thing is kept where, even if the room’s a huge mess. And even if I do manage to tidy it up I always end up ruining it while searching for clothes to wear. Typical girl life! Some days I make an effort to actually clean up the mess and it’s all good while it lasts but then I go back to being my old self in a day or two.

I’ll give you a grand tour through my room. Packets of open biscuits gone cold.. Wrappers of Twix, Toblerone and Snickers.. Peels of orange and banana.. All over my table and bed but not a single thing in the waste bin. It looks almost as good as it did the day mom bought it into my room and said” if you don’t put the rubbish in it, I’ll put you in it.. ” and she wasn’t even kidding.

I constantly get bullied by my mom for being so untidy. She says that I can easily pass for a rag picker given the attire I choose to wear at home. And my hair is another fail story. I had this okayish long hair. Then I got tired of seeing the same old me everyday in the mirror. Since I cannot chop my head off, I chopped off my hair to give myself a new look.. And here I’m looking messier than ever…

But in my defence guys, I do clean up my room but I hate getting pushed into doing it. Like one fine morning, I’ll think to myself that I’ll clean my room today. Then my mom makes the villain entry. She asks(more like orders) me to clean my room, then I’ll say “yeaaa mom I’ll do it”.. After 59 seconds she’ll go” you are not gonna clean it are you, such an irresponsible girl you are.. While I was half your age I used to sweep the entire house all by myself. What will I ever do with this girl.. What will you do after you get married off? Your mother-in-law would send you back to here in one day…blah blah blahh”. This is so emotionally draining, why do we have to go through this ordeal every single time! Now my mood to clean the room gets totally spoiled and I’ll extend this chore to another day and 90% of the time my mom ends up cleaning my room before the next episode of drama happens. Actually I’m thinking of making it my next new year resolution, to be a neater person. I have seven months to mentally prepare myself for this so I think it’s all gonna finally work out for me! 😌

I know being organised has so much advantages and most of my friends are better at the whole cleanliness thing than me. When I went off to the hostel for the very first time I found that I had a clean side to me. I kept my side of the room(I share my room with five others) neat and tidy with books arranged on the table and the bed always made up. Now that I think about it, I even used to dust my room like EVERY SINGLE DAY.. I was such a good kid!

Then friendship happened. With buddies from other rooms visiting me all the time and me spending more time in their room than mine, my real messy self started to unveil all by itself. The one thing I learned from this experience is that the more comfortable we get with people, the more we reveal about ourselves! My new buds were as bad as me, so together we became this one messy squad which is my new happy family! Every day I wake up to “I can’t find my other socks or I’m borrowing your uniform shirt today so you better get one for yourself from someone else or who the heck stole my economics assignment that kept me up the whole night! If there’s one thing worse than a messy girl, it’s a squad of messy girls, I have realized. Now with one year down, our room will be shifted and all I can hope is that I don’t end up with someone with OCD because I’m pretty sure that no neat freak would wanna endure being in the same room as me.

But some day I hope I’ll finally be able to shake off this side of me and be a cleaner person. Its not like one morning I wake up and find out that I’m a clean person, no I realize it’s gonna be a long procedure. I’m taking one step a time (baby steps of course) and this time I’m not backing out..Not living in a clean environment has so much cons especially if you are prone to allergies.I always get this really bad acne breakouts and being in a messy environment is partially to blame. Plus it’s not really good for you in general to be a messy person because what if your better half is a clean freak? That’s a worrying thought, what if your husband leaves you cuz you’re too untidy (you know I’m kidding right.. Well why take the risk,Dear future husband if you ever read this : please don’t leave me. I promise I’ll be better cleaner in future).

So I have come up with some things that I wanna practice in order to be the ideal clean person.

  1. I’ll hand over the ownership of unwanted stuff from my table and bed to the trash bin.
  2. I’ll bring clothes down to the washing machine before my mom asks me to.
  3. I’ll organize my wardrobe so that I’ll not have to fumble to find clothes every time I go out.
  4. I’ll return my brother’s tees back to his wardrobe before he finds out that they’re missing.
  5. Monthly cleaning up of the room wouldn’t be missed for anything. (Hostel room included).

Written by CHIRI

 

Recovery

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I keep tripping over my own shadow
It’s eerie quiet in and the wind’s out,
But this ringing in my ears refuse to leave me
And I’m left to swoon over my thoughts,

I’m not giving in, I’m not compromising
I’m not going down, I have my head held high,
I’m not giving up, I’m not loosing faith
I’m holding onto to the last straw, I call it hope,

There’s a banter going on in my chest
So loud that I cannot hear anything else,
A pat on my shoulder and a deep breath later
I’m good to go, to face the world all by myself,

The world’s cruel glares blind me every day
It’s weakening spells bringing me down,
Thick darkness is what I breathe every time
Choking me and filling me with dread,

The brimming tears threaten to bade bye
I blink back and stare right through those tears,
The misty view is not a new sight
To my broken heart who’s seen it much worse,

A pearly white smile flashed across my eyes
The toddler waved me a happy hi,
Blew me kisses and a final bye
And i felt a bubble of joy floating in the air,

I looked ahead and saw the lush green tree
Waving a golden net with the sunny yarn,
Purple blossoms lovely as ever
And chirping birds to make it more brighter,

I felt a lift in the air or is it just my feeling
A hand lifting me, all the way up,
I’m happy, happier than ever
Now I can go on without the fear of crashing down,

Poem by CHIRI

Special Thanks to Jason Godfrey for being the model of the pic and this poem is dedicated to you, brother!! and everyone else looking for a place in their future.

Always have HOPE.

#6.Weird personal drives: our faithful companions

WhatsApp Image 2018-04-29 at 11.34.47I’ll tell you an honest fact before I start on this one. This post will reveal some really embarrassing quirks of mine that I never thought I would be able to confess. But as of late I have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do stuff that’ll mould a braver Linnet so here we are…!

Every single one us have some weird habits that we are not really proud of but something which we cannot shake off either. Well I have a cartload of those. When I was younger I was really ashamed of these quirks (well I still am though not that much) and would spend hours worrying about the consequences if my friends ever found out. Like that would be the end of the world (end of my world at least). But thinking back I realise those were just the fears of a young kid who didn’t wanna loose her friends for being different from the rest.Okay, so I’ll move on to my very own personal bad habits that annoys the shit out of me

1: Sucking my fingers (don’t laugh I outgrew of this habit looooongg looooongg back). So you might be wondering what’s so weird about it, most of the kids do that. But then most of the kids stop it by the age 3 right? Or maximum till 5 or 6. Tell me have you ever seen a kid who’s over 10 sucking their thumb. I don’t think so. I used to do it till I was in 7th grade. Yes, I’m not even kidding. At school I’ll be like any normal kid but once I reach home and change out of my uniform, the ring finger automatically goes into my mouth. My family used to make so much fun about it and I was even taken to a doctor once (there I have said it). Curious about how I stopped this annoying habit? I put a band-aid on my finger, complete with a yucky smelling medicine for cuts (betadine I think) and all. And in a few days that habit bid me sweet bye. I was so proud of myself that I couldn’t stop grinning for days 😂😂

2.Cropping off my hair: Short hair never looked flattering on me. And not even a single person has ever told me I look good in short hair. I’m kinda tall(ish) and everyone tells me I look better in long hair and even I don’t disagree. But… I get this weird urge to chop off my hair as soon as it grows a bit. Really short like a guy’s. And I wouldn’t feel at peace until I do so. With every haircut disaster I tell myself this is the last time. But the saga continues to date!Now the only thing left for me to do is find a really cool short hair style which wouldn’t make it seem like I have a wig on!(though there’re better chances of me topping the next semester exam than me finding a good short hair style. Just to make myself clear there’re better chances of me being a princess than me topping any semester exams.. Im stopping.. I stopped😷)

3.Forever addicted to food: I’m not talking about those normal hunger pangs where you end up eating a lot. Mine is way different. If there’s some food I like in the house, I have to eat it whether I’m hungry or not. Simple (and weird) as that. Even on a full stomach which is at the verge of bursting open, I can still eat if this feeling takes over me. And after eating, there’s this mixed feeling of guilt and satisfaction so rare that nothing beats it.Actually I’m getting better self control with food these days, now that I started to notice that half of my clothes don’t fit me anymore..so cheers to that!!

4.Number of kids I want : I’m the kind of girl who didn’t know what stream to choose after my 10th grade (science or commerce) and had my mom to choose it for me. I didn’t know what college to go to after my 12th grade either and had my dad to choose it for me. In short I’m really irresponsible when it comes to major decision making and I still expect to be treated like a kid. Which is really really weird because, I had already decided the number of kids I want after I get married, by the time I was in 7th or 8th.And that’s not the creepy part.. I have even named ’em.. Now all I can hope is that my husband would be okay with the names!!

5.Depression strikes: Some days I feel really depressed without any apparent reason. This is so frustrating because when people ask you what happened, you have no explanation to give and giving a shrug wouldn’t be enough for everyone, NO they need to know the exact reason. Some days even you yourself doesn’t know the exact reason behind it and the other days you are not able to put your feelings into words. That downright sucks but it passes after a day or two so it’s something I wouldn’t really mind living with! There’s no particular thing I do to make me feel better other than talking to someone who actually understands or watch some good-feeling movies!

6. Reluctance to be in a relationship: This one I’m sure there are many people out there who are on the same boat as me. I am 19 and I have never been in a relationship. The main reason for this is because I hate all the couple drama and never really felt the need to have a guy in my life, I mean I’m really happy with how things are in my life and I don’t wanna mess it up. Being in love at such young age could be really exhausting if you are with the wrong guy and I don’t wanna risk that. Once I feel that I’m mature enough for it (five – six years in the least), I’ll just do what’s required then! Meanwhile I’ll just have to do without the couple tees and holding hands and late night convos!(I mean who’s insane enough to sacrifice sleep for love.. Not me)

These is just five among my numerous other quirks. I could go on and on but then I wouldn’t wanna bore you guys either. So, my point is we all are homo sapiens and what makes us unique from other homo sapiens is our individual eccentricities and kinks. They are part of who we are and there’s no need to be sad or upset about it. If you feel that there’s no way you can change it then learn to accept and live with it! And you would feel so much better once you learn to accept it, trust me on this one. Another thing to keep in mind is not to judge anyone else just because they are not like you. Appreciate their individuality and only then you would be able to grow as a person

(Like I said in the beginning of this blog it took me a lot of courage to make all these confessions and I’m grateful to my readers for reading it till the end. Feel free to comment your quirks and weird drives too so that I’ll feel a lil better about myself 😂😂)

Written by CHIRI

 

 

#5.Collage Contrast : Austria vs India

WhatsApp Image 2018-04-20 at 15.04.33Hey there,
Welcome to a special edition called collage contrast which is a collaboration between me and my co-blogger where we give you an insight of how different it is between our collage life and let you walk in two dimensions of time and witness the extend of collage experience.
But before we dive in, these facts may not be true for every college but rather we try to deduce a general outline between the lives of us from them but more or less, try to come to a general conclusion. This involves not just our collage experience both also the people that are spread far and wide within the regions.

The college day morning

Austria: Well, let me start my saying everyday is never the same day. Because you basically don’t have a fixed time schedule and classes can begin any time of the day. Like some days, you have classes at 9 am in the morning whereas the other days, you may have at 4 pm. It always keeps fluctuating and another good news, you never have class all the time. Sometimes, you may have classes on Monday but maybe not Tuesday , then you have Wednesday & Thursday class but not Friday you are off. But your class schedule is always fixed. Like you were meant to  have accounting at 9 am on 1st May, which means will definitely have your accounting classes have 9 am on 1st may ,and nothing can change it unless the teacher is sick. So, every student has their e-calendar in their phone and there is no need to tell anyone when  your lecture is and where it would it be.

India: Well for us it’s entirely a different story. Our classes are pre-fixed and start every at 9.00.We have our add on courses such as CA, ACCA, CAT coaching etc till 11.30 after which we have our regular classes. I’m doing B.com degree and yeah this add on facility is something that only our college has.Yea add-on are compulsory additional courses that we take along with the B.com degree and is just like professional courses or coaching for a higher degree)  Most of the other colleges I know here doesn’t offer this facility). We are not as lucky as Dochi because our classes are fairly regular and we even classes on Saturdays although only till 2.30.We are informed about the classes via mail or we can check our special open source school management system named Fedena. The other colleges in our locality get a lot of day offs from Strikes and Hartals that are so typical here in India. The first thing my buddies in other colleges do when they wake up is inspect the newspaper for such news. But sadly for us, Hartal or not, Sun or rain, storm or breeze there’ll be classes for sure.

Our course system

Europe: We follow the ECTS system (European Credit & Transfer accumulation System), which means every course you take might have a specific credit that you will be awarded if you pass and complete your required task. Its like number of hours required to complete the workload & learning outcome in relation to the course. Basically, 1 ECTS= 25-30 hours of study workload but don’t freak out, it includes all the time you study at home or with your friends and anytime throughout the course. And example, software was 3 ECTS= 25×3= 75 hours of workload to complete the subject. Each course has a fixed time sloth before the exam. Like for example, Private law is a 24 LE class (1 lecture =45 mins), So, once those 24 LE are over, you need to write your exam and the Private law is done. You will have days where private law would be taught for 5 LE in one day, so, classes can be quite long and thick too.In total, the whole bachelor program consist of 180 ECTS and also exchange semester in the 3rd which is optional and 5th semester as internships ,which is absolutely compulsory.

India :Our course basically consists of different subjects that are spread across the entire 3 years that our course takes to complete. We have 2 semesters consisting of around 5 months each per year. For the first semester, we had papers like banking & insurance and corporate regulations and framework and for second semester we had courses like business regulatory framework and business management. The time allotted to each hour is flexible and depends on the workload involved. We had to do a second language paper this year but there’s only English literature from the second year onwards. The specialization papers comes only in the final year where the studies become much more intense and serious. Our college also offers programs that are held in abroad universities(This year it was in Canada and Taiwan) for short durations.

Our class system

Austria: Wondering how my classes are! Lets just say, it’s not necessary a lot of work materials to carry to class. You have an e-desktop along with your student ID number and password, your lecturers will probably post the presentation and all required course material such as research papers, reviews and extra questions. There might be a few courses that you might need a textbook but don’t go spill your money, you can probably find the digital copy available to download online for free. (#college hack). Oh!!, Are you looking how to skip classes. 🤣😅, Every collage has their different system of bunking classes. In my collage, its compulsory to be present but you are permitted to skip in total of 6 LE per subject. Which means if you are lazy to get up in the morning, and your lecture has 3 LE today, then just sleep it off. Its no problem. I personally skip class to get prepared for my upcoming exams but its totally fine to skip. Everything is possible to learn by yourself because you can learn those tutorials of your course through online sources or with the help of your friends. And FYI, you always have classes in different campus or different blocks, so. It always keeps changing depends on the professor preference and learning motive of the day. Most cases, you wont see your friends from other courses because everyone course has different time schedules and are always in different campus/blocks most of the time. Even lunch breaks are different for everyone.

India:Even for us, text books aren’t compulsory although our teachers do recommend that we buy ’em. They also give us the names of reference manuals that can give us a deeper insight into the subject.Our entire bcom department is divided into model 1 Finance and Taxation, model 2 F&T and model 1 Computer Application. We rarely ever get to sit our buddies in these other classes because the only time we get to go to a different classroom is when we have our add ons or language. When it comes to bunking we have to take precautions coz 75% attendance is a must for us. If we manage 65%,then we can get a condonation provided we produce a medical certificate(trust me that’s an easy task) but we can get condonation only in alternate years. If you fall short of the minimum attendance then you get the infamous supplementary better known an supply where you have to write the exams next year along with your Juniors. Also most of our teachers send us short notes and other important stuff so doesn’t matter even if your attendance wavered for a bit while you are in class.

What happens in class

Austria: That’s always a mystery question, I must say. Like I said you can bring anything to class right from your laptop to tablet to even your PS4.( yes, I had a friend who did that).You are allowed to record the whole class through your voice recorder. But trust me, having a lecture recording of 5 hours isn’t that helpful. Yeah, our lecture can vary from 2 hour, 4 hours to even 8 hours. Well, everyone has social media in the laptop and most of people class are probably playing poker online with your each or watching the sport game you missed last night or a live game. I always see girls doing their online shopping bucket in class 😅. Pretty much, you have all the freedom in the world. You can either pay attention in class and interact with your lessons or just chill till the class ends. I am personally hate long lecturers because I feel tired and sleepy. During the breaks, I need to wash my face often and take a small walk to survive the next few hours. But overall, its fun. Some lecturers are interesting such as marketing, but others are just plain dull. You need to accept that no course is your perfect course, so you must deal with interesting as well as thick topics. Oh, by the way. You can leave the class whenever you want. You don’t need to ask the lecturers permission. I still remember I was hungry and I had a 5 LE class, that I ended up going to a nearby glossary shop to buy apples. 😋 and totally doable.You can also leave earlier if you want to catch your bus or train back home.

India:Guess what! We cannot carry our mobile phones to college let alone use it. And if we are caught using our phones, the teachers or the principal himself will take it away and we’ll get it back only after a full month, not a day earlier no matter how much we plead or beg(even crying doesn’t work.. We have tried it). That never stopped us daredevils from using our phones though. Within this one year we have all mastered the art of texting with the phone in our bags while maintaining a straight eye contact with the lecturer. Yes I know we are legends. Also the safest place to use the phone without getting caught is…. that’s right.. the wash rooms. All we have to do is get permission from the lecturer to use the washroom and take the phone with you. But trust me it doesn’t work quite like this all the time. Once our class teacher grew suspicious of my friend who pretty much exploited this excuse and asked him to hand over the phone to him before hitting the loo.We had a good laugh that day.. And about having a snack while there’s class going on, don’t even think about it. The moment you are caught for even chewing a gum, you’ll be thrown out! But us legends have managed to eat a whole Biriyani(an Indian dish) while the class was going on. Its all about experience and skill! And about leaving the class in between, unless you can give a really strong reason or you are sick, your attendance will be marked as absent.

Types of classes

Austria:  YA!!, this is going to be interesting. Not every class is the same kind. You might have a few lecturers from a professor that lives in USA, so. Your lecturers will happen via Skype or other video call media. So, you will have classes just by laying in the bed in your room. Nah , don’t have to be online always. You might face the problems of buffering or video call not applicable. Its normal. A few lecturers record the video call and just upload it later. Some class are defined as e-learning which I still dont have a definite answer of. E-learning, too you can do it in your room. Its basically your lecturers will email you a few research papers or an assignment or even nothing, just do it but its not always mandatory. I honestly haven’t done anything during the e-learning. Probably watching a Netflix series, but is totally unaware that e-learning is supposed to happen now. Then we have something called block week, where you are should be present because you will be taught one subject the whole entire week(25 LE in one week)  because the lecturer is from abroad and is here for a short period of time .You will have exams the very next  week later. Then we have the normal class in seminar halls as well as smaller classrooms.

India:  For us it’s the same every day. Lecturers take classes using their presentations. But it’s not that boring because all of ’em are highly skilled and they do know how to keep us entertained. Plus there are only some 35 of us in a class so the lecturers know us all personally and daydreaming or napping is not a viable option because chances are you will be met with a “Go wash your face and come” or worse “I’m gonna mark you absent for this hour if you do this anymore”. They also keep a watch on the weaker students and even offer to throw in a few extra hours for em. Now for the best part.. Our Industrial Visits.They are absolutely the best.The perfect excuse to have fun under the excuse that you are visiting a factory. This “visit to a factory” only last up to less than an hour and the rest of the day is all ours to relax and enjoy to the max. Our IV has to be the day we enjoyed the most actually, it’s that awesome. And we have camps in 2nd and 3rd years and they are even more fun than our IVs.Also our college gives us opportunities to be develop as better people who care about the society and not just themselves. We are taken to orphanages and old ages homes to spend time with those beautiful people, who for no fault of theirs , are not in a privileged situation like us. Most of us are also part of the Young India initiative where we are introduced to a lot of platforms to boost our talents and develop overall.

Type of exams

Austria: just as how are classes are different, so is our exam. There are many time of exams or various types to get graded. Like a few subjects, requires you to do presentation or our e-learning homework’s. whereas, some subjects are “take home exams” or write a reflection paper about the course. There are also a normal written exam which can either be a mid-term or just a final exam. My favourite kind of exam is the open book exam, love it!!😍 you can carry all your course material and have all preplanned notes and sheets ready that makes your task easier to do. Its like you need to study a draft of how to do the tasks but having all the shortcuts and guidelines in reach of your fingertips. We also have something called the oral exams, honestly its stressful and all based on luck. You randomly choose the question from a pile and you have a 5 minute countdown and then you begin. Rapid fire question but some oral question are group based, which means you will be asked to make groups of 3 and do the oral exams together, if you don’t know the answer of a question, you co-mate is allowed to hint you the answer which gives him bonus points and you get the points too based on how you answer. Oral exams are easy to do well as well as easy to fail. My luck ran out in my first oral exams and I chocked on those hard answers and failed it by 5%.. oh, wondering what will happen to failures, the re-exam of the subjects are likely to happen after 2 months or within your next semester in between and called as resits, all exams are written. The level of difficulty will be the same as your previous exam and you can fail your 2nd resit and must try your 3rd resit, if you fail the 3rd resit. You go to your final chance ,the 4th resit which is an oral exam with your teacher, your professor will ask you how to do the task or ask you to explain a particular concept, and professor determines your fate. You fail the 4th resit, I am sorry to break the bad news but you need to leave the program. But unless you have a genuine reason why this happen, you can make a deal with the director that you can do only 3 courses out of 9 and stay back a year to redo the course you failed. Which means another extra year in collage But this is not applicable to university FYI.

India:We only have one single type of exam unlike Dochi and that is of course the written one. We have our semester exams and also certain internal exams that accounts for some percentage of the total marks. Our attendance and assignment scores are also added for the same. Assignments vary, like some teachers give us seminars or presentations while others give us written ones. In case you flunk a paper or fall short of the minimum attendance required to write that paper,it’ll automatically turn into your arrear paper which you will have to write it next year with your juniors. Also if you feel that your marks aren’t good enough then you can always write the improvement exam which is very much similar to the arrears.But the bad news is that however genuine your reason maybe you will not get a re exam in case of a failure or if you were unable to appear for it.

Academic calendar

Austria: Well, you study every semester like 9 courses and when you pass, you study another new 9 courses. But there are few subjects that are stable like accounting. You never have something like exam week rather your exams are spread throughout the semester. For example, my statistics classes ended on end on march and my final exam was on the first week of April whereas I started having lecturers on project management on the first week of may and have exams on June. Its all spread out and once you passed, you don’t have to worry about the subjects again. Just focus on the other upcoming courses.

India: We have a certain number of papers that we must clear for every semester, mostly six. And we take all the exams together. There’ll be study hols in between of course but other than that it’s all in one stretch. I think it’s better this way because all the exams will be over in the blink of an eye and afterwards you can relax in peace till the next exam. Also exams are at the same time for all the different departments as well as different batches. So we get to write the exams with our juniors or seniors

Free time, lifestyle & breaks

Austria:  My favorite segment among all, we do have plenty of free time here and there and we can treat our campus as our own home. During breaks, you can grab a snack in the cafeteria or if you are really hungry, have a feast in the canteen or leave the campus to have a quick fast food such as burgers and pizza. There are plenty of sources for food. In my collage, we have a cafeteria, canteen, food-stalls and even small restaurant. And right outside the campus, you can find plenty more. So, food is never a problem here. There are vending and coffee machines in every block.so, cheers to those coffee-lovers. You are allowed to bring food in your class and even eat during the class, not really an issue actually! Plenty of places to hangout, enjoy the sun or even play your favourite video games with your friends in the lounge. There is no fixed dress code. You are allowed to come to school with t-shirts and shorts and even wear a cap during class. Like I said, campus feels like home. I remember the other day, seeing a few guys who were shirtless play a volleyball game in the campus garden and its totally normal. You can even have a picnic under the tree inside your campus. 😍 we have libraries open till 9 pm if you want to study and its really quite there, I can guarantee that. Also, a place to do your group discussion and even a study hall.

India:Our break times are after every two hours and while its no big luxury like dochi’s it’s good enough. We have two cafeterias and if you are in a bunk mood you can always go there and chill. We do have a lotta restaurants outside the premises of our college but the break time wouldn’t be sufficient to make a grand visit to there. But if you are looking for a quick snack then you’ll have plenty of time and wouldn’t even miss the next hours. And you would be surprised at the next major difference. We have uniforms.. YES I’m not even kidding.Us college peeps look like high-schoolers with our grey uniform complete with black shoes and socks! Only time we’re allowed to wear color is if it’s a Saturday or if there’s some major event going on at our college.And yea we have a good library spread across three floors but you’ll find more books of Accounting Standards and Corporate Law than Nicholas Sparks or Sidney Sheldon. Also we have a pretty decent gym for girls totally free of cost and anyone can go there before or after the class hours.

 

While some people would find our college too strict and school-like, I actually like this place. College life is the last few years of our life where we can enjoy without having the burden of any responsibility. This carefree life is all gonna take a sharp turn the moment you pass out. And the friends we get now are friends for life because they are the ones who knows the real you. The hostel life is life at its best. These hostel mates turn into your family without you realizing it and you’ll only realize how much you are gonna miss em once you are separated. Right now we have this two month semester break and I should be enjoying the vacation but funny thing.. I miss those idiots every single day. I’m not even kidding. This is not just for me but for all college going kids like me. And although we are on the path of becoming responsible adults and good citizens, there’s no need to compromise on having fun and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Because if you don’t, you’ll have no stories to narrate to your grand-kids and make em realize that they have such cool grans! College is awesome regardless of where you are from because we all have one thing in common. The starting of a new life with no one to put reins on you. You’re like a mare galloping towards the wide horizon. So guys we only have one advise to you.. Enjoy to the fullest because trust me otherwise you gonna regret it at some point of life

I hope you got to experience our college from the two different extremes and understand how contrast is ours from yours but feel free to comment below how your collage is doing and we would be glad to hear your collage experience. And if you are from another country and have a unique collage life, do share below and love to hear the voices of my fellow readers.😃

Written by DOCHI & CHIRI