#7. War within my Thoughts

Okay, listen! You have multiple exams within 10 days and you haven’t completed preparing your study notes. But how can I complete it if I have two pending presentation due for the weekend. And what about your finance? you literally spend 35€ glossary shopping twice and you are left with 120€, what are you gonna buy your friend for his birthday and do you have the time for it? What about sports and fitness, you are gaining weight. You need to get your gym mode on. But if I go to the gym, I won’t complete my notes and assignments and how am I supposed to go home if I don’t have sufficient money at the end and do I starve on fruits for meanwhile. What about studying in library rather than your room? Its quiet hear but do I need to walk in the cold? What if I get sick and miss my exams and fail eventually?

Well, I must be honest. This is what literally your mind does to you when you have want to be way too creative and try to keep that problem-solving attitude going. I don’t mean to be discourage  but it’s good to be futuristic and goal oriented, but you need to accept the fact that you are never a perfectionist of your life. You can’t be in the different places doing everything you want and achieving everything you desire. The world doesn’t rotate in the way you want it to be.

Because think about if, you want to go to the gym and study. Well, respect your needs that matter the most. When is your exam? Its is far away and you think you have sufficient time to study, then go to the gym but if you short in time. Don’t hate yourself for not going to gym for a day and rather focus on performing well on what matters you the most currently which is do well for your exam. But are you a kind of person that can multi-task, well. Why not, take your study notes, do your gym routine and take frequent breaks to study and revise. But if you are not, don’t be hard on yourself because everyone is different and don’t be someone else just because they can do more than you but be yourself and go best in what you are doing now.

But my dear readers, if you overthink and fight inside you. Remember don’t feel bad but rather think strategies and fix your problems rather than taking them collectively. Know yourself and deal with problems by diving and conquering it. Take alternatives and know what’s best to do that the moment.

Here are few of my stupid episodes of my overthinking and by the end of it, you would probably conclude how much of a catastrophe I am:

A). MATHS : I remember the times when I had mid-term Maths exam out of 25 and I received just 14 (yeah, not good enough but hey, I am not that stupid) but importantly, I passed. But my math lecturers wanted to help those people that were weak in Maths, so. He asked everyone whose score is 14 and below to attend his special Maths classes after school.🙄Boy , all my best friends weren’t in that range and I used to always over thought “I am part of math failure squad even though I didn’t fail” and considered myself “unfit Maths competence kid”, basically overthinking that I am meant to fail in Maths and this is fate for life Eventually, my mind always failed to see the benefit of it. (I got 85% in my finals. 😅😎, I told you, I am not that dumb) and I am glad that all my friends and teachers boosted my confidence and helped my find my strength before my finals

B). BIRTHDAY : It was my last birthday in India before I exit back home in Switzerland and my life would be locked there forever, so. My last birthday mattered the most and it was so perfect and special with surprise party, gifts, birthday cake, humor and enjoyable moments. But I had this really close friend who really helped me a lot and matter me the most, that decided not to show up on my birthday in spite of everything I have done for her. I was super mad and immediately cut her from my life. In my head, I was overthinking that she didn’t give a shit for everything I have done for her and just one month left before my departure, that she decides to turn her back against me. But, the later did I find out that the last time we messaged each other through Facebook which was 3 days before my actual birthday, I kinda pranked her telling my birthday was a week ago and you were a bad friend who forgot to wish me but forgot to reveal it was a prank. I honestly forgot to say to her that it was a prank and thus, she didn’t show up. Yes, I am a dumb-ass😅.

C).DISAPPEARANCE :I remember this silly incident where I had a friend whom I always had long talks for hours and we were very close for the past 5 years, there was this time she just vanished, and I couldn’t contact her. I freaked out and thought I might have said something wrong or did I offend her or am I not a good friend anymore. I started blaming myself for faults that I don’t know if I did it. I even emailed her and tried in every social media possible and even apologized to her. I think this went on for a week and after a while, she came back and said “sorry, I lost my phone. I couldn’t receive your messages.”. yes, that was totally messed up incident and i definitely shouldn’t have reacted so immaturely.

D). EXAMS :The greatest side-effect of overthinking is lack of self/confidence. This happens exactly right before we appear for an exam, although the course material might be vast and thick, you would have made many short notes in form of bullet points in order to study easily and remember them quicker. It’s funny how we overthink here. When we are on our way to the exam hall, you think hard trying to recollect your short notes and you don’t remember a few. That sudden panic attack because you feel like you studied really hard, but you can’t remember the points. And then you go into deep thoughts right before exams “have I studied enough, did I miss anything, what were my friends discussing about in the class about a question? I have never heard of such a question? Why are a few people bring their instrument box to class? Is there any drawing we should have studied? If you do this right before exam or on the way to your examination hall. We are definitely in the same page and overthinking really can be demotivating and give you a lack of self-confidence. I honestly forget to eat my meals and usually skip it because I overthink a lot of my problems and feel I have no time for anything else other than my problems

E). PASSPORT & FLIGHT: I had a recent incident where I forgot my passport back in my room and I was stranded in the city of Vienna. I was so mad at myself for things haven’t gone as planned that I went to a nearby shop, bought myself gummy bears and Coca-Cola and decided to sit in the streets of Vienna in the freezing cold holding all the grief and sorrow of this world. I think I made up my mind that I will have to spend Easter in my room, alone and depressed. I created so much sadness in me because I was overthinking of a sad vacation. When I was in the Vienna airport, just 1 hour away from the gates to close, I walked passed the security check-in and I looked around. No one asked to check for the passport and I later realized that I am travelling to a domestic terminal with the countries national airlines to Switzerland which is literally one hour away and there isn’t any passport check-up since its considered domestic flight and my ticket already is embedded to my passport. I was super embarrassed of myself and I literally freaked out everyone in my family because of my overthinking problems and caused everyone to worry about me. 😅

F). DEBUT BLOG :I remember my first blog “Morning Drench”, I showed it to one of my friends before publishing and let me say, he has read literally all the books in his life and a total critic when it comes to literature and his judgement are golden and precise. If he says someone’s content is excellent, he means it in a world-class perspective and has a really fair and sharp opinion. So, I asked him to evaluate my blog and he said one word “good”. I overthought that he felt it was alright, but he didn’t want to make me feel bad. I was hesitant to post my debut blog because I felt no one would like it and I am a piece of shit😅. I honestly made my mind that I failed because my elevator said “good” but I expected “really good” or “well done” or “amazing work”. But everything changed with the support of the community. Love you guys and thanks for keeping me going.

Well, those were my messy episode of overthinking and if you ae looking for a solution for that. To be honest, there isn’t any. As human beings, we are all thinks, and we are constantly thinking and anticipating scenarios. That makes us human. But I can suggest a few tips that I think is good to reduce your overthinking issues.

1. Make a do-to list and the list should be based on what you want to do today. Don’t put problems of tomorrow into your todays life
2. Be chill, enjoy the breeze and stay calm. Do something you love for a while, listen to music or read something interesting.
3. Meet new people and talk about your problems. Because everyone is ready to help and give you their version of how they would handle the issue and you can a lot from it.
4. Most important is know yourself and realise and respect your strengths and weakness. Do how much ever you can and don’t do it with perfection but make it your perfection and be different and unique.

 

I hope you enjoy the blog and comment down below your silly episodes of overthinking. We would be gladly interested to read and reply you back.

WRITTEN by DOCHI